They Say “Just Keep Going.” But Should I?

I'm 7 weeks into this newsletter journey and I'm not sure I can keep doing this...

Here we are, almost two months into my SubStack journey and I’m already going off plan.

Most weeks, Still Processing follows a familiar pattern—a weekly affirmation from my heart to yours, along with a short reflection to spark something in you. I also throw in a real-time update on my work, and an open invitation to keep the conversation going post newsletter.

But this week? This week is different.

I had a plan, but instead, I started crying—and hit record.

What poured out wasn’t anywhere near my usual format. It wasn’t neatly packaged or perfectly structured. There was no lesson or a carefully worded reflection. It was just my raw, unfiltered words straight from the depths of my heart.

And honestly, I almost didn’t share it. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that healing happens in the messy, unscripted moments—the ones we usually keep to ourselves.

So today, I’m letting you in.

I’m sharing the full reflection, the recording of that moment (written version, too), and a behind-the-scenes look at the final stretch of my book-writing journey—where I finally found my “midwife” to help me bring this thing into the world.

💛 Why Subscribe? 💛
This is the first Still Processing post behind a paywall, and it’s for a reason. I’m in the home stretch of writing my book—pouring my heart, soul, and lived experience into something I know will help others heal. But bringing a book into the world takes resources, and every paid subscription helps fund this project—covering things like editing, design, and publishing costs.

If my writing has ever made you feel seen, held, or just a little less alone, becoming a paid subscriber is a way to support this work and be part of something bigger. Plus, you’ll get access to exclusive reflections like this one, deeper behind-the-scenes content, and more raw, real moments I don’t share anywhere else.

PREVIEW OF PAID CONTENT BELOW:

I had a plan for today's newsletter, but instead I started crying and hit record.

Maybe it's because tears really are hot to me, but crying is just something that’s just my reflex it seems, almost on the daily. Well, maybe not on a daily basis, but I don't hold back my tears when they come. I just let them flow like medicine, knowing how important it is to let it all out.

"Don't apologize for human emotion", my first coach told me, "just talk through the tears."

Three weeks into widowhood I started the "Grief Recovery Method." Well, saying that I started it isn’t actually accurate, cause I'd learned the method and used it several times before up to that point. Really, I was just starting to do this grief work on the tragic loss of my husband.

"Think of me as just a heart with ears," my GRM facilitator told me gently, coaxing me to continue on with my story whether I cried or not.